Sorry

HUHU maaf.

Gak kuat untuk gak post foto ini tapi gak tau mau post dimana. Jadi gue baru ngeh kalo ada foto ini adalah pas buka album di group, terus gue kaget deh karna gue dan dia sama-sama gak nyadar kalo difoto HEHEHE tapitapi suka bgt gak tau kenapa.

Selamat (hampir) lebaran juga ya!

Mohon maaf lahir dan batin. :)

- Tiara Disya -

Answering 50 (unimportant) Questions

hi, it's 3 AM.
Ananto is already sleeping so I dont have anyone to talk to in this hour. Anyway I just found this from tumblr, and I really dont know what to do...

So... Here we go,

1. What was the last book you read? 
= Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green

2. Do you like roller coasters? 
= Yep

3. Day or night? 
= Depends

4. What do you hear right now? 
= Take Me Home – Us the Duo

5. What would you name your son or daughter if you had one? 
= Diandra//Kean//Narendra//Keara

6. Do you want kids? Why or why not? 
= YES, because kids are the cutest and I’d really like to have some

7. What’s your favorite memory with your best friend(s)? 
= Every moment that I’ve spent with them in high school *sigh

8. How many times did it take you to pass your driver’s test? 
= Haven’t take any driver’s test yet

9. The scariest dream you had? 
= Won’t tell, because I had nightmare almost everyday

10. How tall are you? 
= ((almost)) 160cm

11. The last thing you ate was… kinder

12. A band you want to see live is… A Rocket to The Moon ofkorrrrss

13. Do you have a hero/someone you look up to? If so, who? 
= My parents

14. Do you like to swim? 
= Not really

15. Things you look for in a guy/girl? 
= How he brings himself to my family, how he treats his family (esp. his mom), and how he comforts me.

16. Has a book ever upset you? 
= definitely has... Tfios still made me in tears eventho I've read it several times

17. What was the first instrument you learned to play? 
= Ppftt..

18. Some of your hobbies include… sleeping :(

19. How do you deal with anger? 
= Crying

20. Something you like about your appearance is… my cheek

21. What was the last movie you watched? 
= Terminator Genisys

22. Do you have a favorite ghost story? What about a personal ghost story? 
= UGH NO

23. Where is the farthest from home that you've gone? 
= Japan

24. Have you met anyone through Tumblr that you'd like to meet irl?
= no

25. Do you look like your parents? 
= ofcourse

26. Things you have in common with your parents? 
= We love movies

27. What is to the right of you? 
= Earphone

28. A favorite memory with a sibling? 
= When we shared secrets

29. What is something you wish you'd done? 
= Didn’t quit ballet

30. What are some of your favorite blogs? 
= I’m not into blogwalking

31. Do you sing in the shower? 
= Who doesn’t?

32. Something others have described you as... chubby cheek

33. Name of every pet you've had... Putih (because its color was white... duh so obvious :/)

34. Your favorite superhero? 
= The flash, maybe? Because in the tv series it was played by Grant Gustin lol, but I think Buzz Lightyear will always be my favorite (if we can consider him as a hero..)

35. Two of your fears are... living in regret and losing everyone I loved

36. What you're majoring in in college/what you plan to major in... business Administration

37. What is your favorite season? 
= I can't choose between winter and spring

38. The best vacation you took?
= Disneyland never fails me

39. Why your best friend is your best friend... because they wont judge

40. How did you come across your favorite band? 
= If  I’m not mistaken, I knew arttm because rocket’s ‘like we used to’ was all around my twitter homepage, it made me curious, so I googled it

41. Jobs you wanted as a little kid? 
= A book-writer (still my dream job), and a doctor

42. Are you an introvert or extrovert? 
= Extrovert, but I think since I started college, I’ve became a bit intro

43. When was the last time you drank?
= I don’t drink

44. How many pillows do you sleep with? 
= Two!

45. Are you a "safe" driver? 
= Honestly I cant drive...

46. Something that's bothering you right now? 
= Those things that are not my passion, but still, I have to make them my priority—they bothered me so much

47. How many cds do you own?
= 10, maybe?

48. How many books do you own? 
= Cant count them

49. How many aunts and uncles do you have? 
= Many

50. "Top 10" [Something]

 Top 10 Songs (so far) :

 1. Another Set of Wings – A Rocket to The Moon

 2. Falling Slowly – Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

 3. Something Between My Room and Yours – Leonardo

 4. Take Me Home – Us the Duo

 5. Turning Page – Sleeping at Last

 6. Berdua Saja – Payung Teduh

 7. Hujan di Mimpi – Banda Neira

 8. Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron & Wine

 9. Photograph – Ed Sheeran

 10. Gentlemant Don't – Gabe Bondoc

Omg it took an hour to answer these questions, it is now 4:02 AM, and I need to have sahur, bye.

Trying to be Honest

Seriously I dont know what to post but I really need someone to talk to.

HHHH, okay. Mungkin dengan cerita disini semuanya bisa ilang sedikit.

Gue capek. Capek se-capek capeknya capek. Secapek itu. Semuak itu, dan se-pengen udahin ini semua. Gue gak bisa cerita dengan gamblangnya disini, tapi astaga serius deh gue capek banget ngehandle sesuatu yang gue gak bisa. Sesuatu yang tadinya gue kira gue mampu.

I thought I could, 

I thought this was what I wanted, 

I thought I needed this,

I thought this could change me,

I thought this was the opportunity,

I thought this was something that I've been looking for,

but it turns out.. it is not.

This is clearly not what I want.

Everybody says do what you love; love what you do.

What if I dont love what I do?

I've been lying to myself, and to people.

People may think I like that.

because I've been forcing myself so hard to do something that I'm not capable of.

Isn't it pathetic? To lied to yourself?

So I'm tying to be honest, at least with myself because I cant imagine what people will say if they know the truth.

I dont like that. Semuanya kejadian begitu aja, seakan-akan Tuhan ngatur gue untuk 'kecebur' disitu, dan membuat gue nekat untuk coba sekalian berenang disitu. But, once again, semuanya terjadi secara kebetulan. Gue nggak bisa memaksakan diri gue sampe setahun untuk pura-pura jadi orang lain dengan bilang kalo gue suka itu.

"I dont like my life right now, it is full of lies and bullshits."

I've been questioning myself these past few days;

What do I really like?

Do I have any purpose with this life?

and, sadly,

it hits me because I dont know the answer.

it hits me because I finally realized that I dont have anything about myself to be proud of.

and it makes me feel so useless.

I need to quit and start something new.

I've had enough with these lies.

I really need to quit. I really wish I could just easily tell them that I'm done.

Current Addiction #2

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want a just a memory
give me forever
Don't even think about saying goodbye
'Cause I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last


Hhh, ok I know this song may sounds cheesy,
but the lyric is just so accurate to me.



Yes, I'm done playing; I want something that will lasts;

and this guy has clearly changed everything.

Goodnight, A.

Meet an Old Friend of Mine

hi.

it's 2:26 AM.

just found this old notebook!

Jangan tanya kenapa sampulnya kaya gitu. When I was 7 I told my mom to bought this notebook because I thought it was cute, and I literally didnt understand the meaning of this notebook's cover picture. 

then i started to write on this thing on my last semester in the second grade.

i really need to blur everything. se-gak jelas itu ternyata tulisan anak kelas dua SD yang seneng bisa naik kelas ke kelas tiga.

This was on the seventh page of this notebook. Masih tetep update dengan ngasih tau skrg kelas berapa :') dan tulisan sebelumnya dari halaman ini adalah cerita gue pas jadi anak kelas tiga SD dengan ngeluh susah belajar matematika, gak mau belajar, pengen nonton tv aja, and so on, dengan font gede-kecil-gede-kecil yang gue gak mau share even bisa di blur. just... no.

Funny thing, gue selalu inget dengan buku ini setahun sekali atau paling banyak setahun tiga kali. Buku ini seakan-akan ilang dari kamar, tapi setahun berikutnya muncul lagi dan minta ditulis. Seakan minta diupdate gimana hidup gue sekarang.

Jadi di halaman selanjutnya gue bener-bener ngisi satu tahun sekali, (walaupun ada yang sempet skip, no update in 2012.)

daan ini dia dua tulisan terakhir di buku ini, yang sebelah kiri tahun 2014, dan yang sebelah kanan adalah 2015. i just wrote something in there hehehe just a few updates about my life and this tiring college life, and about my complicated yet awesome stuff (in a very short words) with him.

One thing that makes me happy is that in 2014 I wrote; "semoga di tulisan selanjutnya udah jadi mahasiswi Universitas Indonesia." and then in the next page, I write "alhamdulillah bisa nepatin nulis disini dengan predikat mahasiswi di universitas itu." Until today I still thank God for everything, for putting me there, for giving this life eventho I know I rarely remember to say 'alhamdulillah' or sometimes I really wish I could just undo everything, but isn't it just something that almost everybody's hope for?

ok sorry idk what to post, 

but it's almost 3 AM, and instead of writing another 'My Midnight Thought', I prefer to share about this notebook in this blog because I think this blog is a part of me too.

- Tiara Disya -

Little Sissy

hi, everyone.

i just realized that..

after all these years that i've spent writing on this blog (even for only like 10 times a year lately)...

i've never posted anything about my annoying yet lovely little sister.

he-he idk it never came up in my mind to write anything about her,

until now.

idk suddenly i want to post something about her,

maybe because she just came into my room, promised that she'd sleep with me tonight.

but guess what

minute later she said, "teteh gak jadi deh. aku mau tidur di kamar mama."

ugh why so annoying.

anywayy she'll be 6 years old this july.

and there was an odd (idk why i think it was) conv between me and her this afternoon,

Zif: teh aku bentar lagi ulang tahun

Yar: iya, tau

Zif: teteh mau aku gede gak? (what she meant was getting old, i think)

Yar: mau lah.. eh nggak deh, jangan
Zif: kenapa?

Yar: gak apa-apa. Emang kamu mau gede?

Zif: mau

Yar: kenapa?

Zif: masa aku kecil terus

Yar: Gapapa, kan lucu

Zif: jadi gede enak gak teh?
Yar: gak enak sama sekali, soalnya km harus blablabla............

and then i ended up having a curcol time with her, eventhough i know she wont understand. after having that conv with her, all of a sudden something popped up in my mind; would it be so nice if life has a restart button?

because there are plenty of things that i regret.
things that i wish never happened.
things that i really wanna fix.

aaand this is my little sister;

(ps: this is the very first time i post her face on my blog omg :/)

- Tiara Disya=

Current Addiction

Time together is just never quite enough.

When you and I are alone,
I've never felt so at home.

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time,

only time.

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?

If this is what I call home;
why does it feel so alone?

So tell me, darling, 
do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time.

- Tiara Disya -

x

12 AM,
and her mind wanders
she tends to think about
something that happened
2 years ago, or something
that happened 2 hours ago,
or something that could
happen 10 years from now.
her mind is like a hurricane,
it's a wreck.
it's full of beautiful, yet awful thoughts.

it's 1 AM and her mind

continues to wander