Trying to be Honest

Seriously I dont know what to post but I really need someone to talk to.

HHHH, okay. Mungkin dengan cerita disini semuanya bisa ilang sedikit.

Gue capek. Capek se-capek capeknya capek. Secapek itu. Semuak itu, dan se-pengen udahin ini semua. Gue gak bisa cerita dengan gamblangnya disini, tapi astaga serius deh gue capek banget ngehandle sesuatu yang gue gak bisa. Sesuatu yang tadinya gue kira gue mampu.

I thought I could, 

I thought this was what I wanted, 

I thought I needed this,

I thought this could change me,

I thought this was the opportunity,

I thought this was something that I've been looking for,

but it turns out.. it is not.

This is clearly not what I want.

Everybody says do what you love; love what you do.

What if I dont love what I do?

I've been lying to myself, and to people.

People may think I like that.

because I've been forcing myself so hard to do something that I'm not capable of.

Isn't it pathetic? To lied to yourself?

So I'm tying to be honest, at least with myself because I cant imagine what people will say if they know the truth.

I dont like that. Semuanya kejadian begitu aja, seakan-akan Tuhan ngatur gue untuk 'kecebur' disitu, dan membuat gue nekat untuk coba sekalian berenang disitu. But, once again, semuanya terjadi secara kebetulan. Gue nggak bisa memaksakan diri gue sampe setahun untuk pura-pura jadi orang lain dengan bilang kalo gue suka itu.

"I dont like my life right now, it is full of lies and bullshits."

I've been questioning myself these past few days;

What do I really like?

Do I have any purpose with this life?

and, sadly,

it hits me because I dont know the answer.

it hits me because I finally realized that I dont have anything about myself to be proud of.

and it makes me feel so useless.

I need to quit and start something new.

I've had enough with these lies.

I really need to quit. I really wish I could just easily tell them that I'm done.

Current Addiction #2

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want a just a memory
give me forever
Don't even think about saying goodbye
'Cause I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last


Hhh, ok I know this song may sounds cheesy,
but the lyric is just so accurate to me.



Yes, I'm done playing; I want something that will lasts;

and this guy has clearly changed everything.

Goodnight, A.